The Prime Minister is wilting. Nobody knows how long they have left, but it’s only a matter of time. Their once-crisp green leaves are succumbing to soft, cottony mould and yellow-tinged spots are becoming increasingly visible between the folds. Charitable voices whisper from the side lines about how difficult the job was, while pundits point to a dozen statistics that show only one thing - they were the least successful Prime Minister of all time.

During their short stay in office, sea levels have risen, the economy has suffered and, worst of all, the crops have started to fail. It was, perhaps, an inevitable disaster. They inherited an unwinnable situation from their predecessor, who was themselves a lettuce of the same kind with almost identical policies. And their predecessor before them. Who could have possibly known that the Thale Cress’ scientific predictions would come true? Or that the Pothos’ austerity policies would fail?

In this time of crisis, bad apples grow from rotten discourse, riling up animosity between food groups and cultivars. Future PM candidates play hot potato, yet are unwilling to sow their seeds and commit to a challenge. The media pick apart pea-brained politicians in carefully staged ambushes, forcing them to spill their beans. Those who know their onions are sadly few and far between.

However, in a small and mostly irrelevant department of the government tenuously responsible for some minor public service, a group of small potatoes (and other assorted vegetables) quietly toil away. Their objective is to maintain the illusion of their continued necessity, while avoiding as much attention and responsibility as possible. Unfortunately for them, they’re in a pickle. A pickle as thick as pea soup.

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Mouldy Lettuce in a Business Suit is a rules-light tabletop roleplaying game of British political satire where players are sentient vegetables in a failing government department. Create your ‘SpUd’ (Special Undersecretary) from various cultivars, each with distinct characteristics, and attempt to survive the daily grind using a d6 dice pool mechanic for actions and conflict resolution.

Gameplay focuses on collectively building an absurdist narrative through a structure wherein each session is one working day split into multiple phases. Players must manage Growth Factors like Vibrancy and Mould, pursue personal and departmental objectives (mostly avoiding blame and work), and navigate the core Scandal system. These pre-written scenarios escalate from minor personal troubles to major political disasters, driving the comedic and chaotic story forward.

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Mouldy Lettuce was written around the theme of ‘plant growth’ for the 2025 Narrative Design Awards game jam over a duration of five days (after its author initially managed to neglect the theme and had to create a new entry from scratch).

Expect some future updates and refinements as well as an eventual print copy.